Knowing how to say goodbye - about the meaning of parting

  

It is important to learn to say goodbye. Although, from the moment we are born we experience thousands of separations.

 

Thousands of separations? Absolutely yes. The moment we came out of the womb is the first but after that many moments appeared: the end of the delicious food, the end of the pleasant shower,

getting out of mom or dad's hug to bed, parting from one point of view, parting from the day and beyond, parting from the diaper, and more

Read more informative and spicy articles;

 

Leah Goldberg described well:

 

“In everything, there is at least one-eighth of death. Its weight is not large.

 

With what grace Tamir and Sha'anan carried him to wherever we went.

 

In beautiful awakenings, in walks, in the love of lovers, in distraction

 

We will always be forgotten in the backyard and be with us, and it is not burdensome ”

 

Some separations in our lives are expected: ending an educational setting, finishing a drinking glass containing a certain amount of content, and so on and some not, usually due to loss- even a broken popsicle brings us together with an experience of loss, of something that was and is now missing and of course loss of someone dear to us and the connection Our emotional with him is great and significant.

 

The concept of separation is closely related to our attachment system. That is, to the way we learned from the moment we got our hands on how a relationship should be.

For example, did those who we cried come to comfort us or let us cope alone? Have we been kept from getting too far away or have we been allowed to explore the world from a distance?

Every experience we had taught us what is right for us uniquely. Throughout our lives, we repeat the same attachment,

the same way of making contact again and again with every character we meet and therefore emotional therapy, too, its primary purpose is to make contact.

 

The same attachment has different qualities. Safe, insecure, ambivalent, and avoidant attachment.

 

 "For man, protection and food are not enough for survival, he also needs emotional feedback of softness, warmth and closeness from the caregiver, to ensure his existence in the alien and threatening world"

(Solan, 2007, p. 108).

 

That is, the fact that we learned that we have to wait 10 minutes to respond to crying does not mean that it is good for us, but only that this is how we learned that the world works.

The more the parent acts consistently and appropriately to the baby's needs, the more predictable and secure his or her attachment will be, meaning she will experience less anxiety.

 

"Separation, short-term or long-term, is always painful since it is associated with the fear of losing the object and the impairment of perfection" (Solan, 2007, p. 324).

However, the different intensities of pain and the subsequent expressions of anger are related to various factors including the existence of a true partnership in the pain of separation without ignoring or underestimating it, there is some sense of control in separation and distancing, separation boundaries are understood in one way or another and more.

 

So what is a good farewell?

 

One in which there is no anxiety but a small loss and knowledge to continue sometimes, or recognition for being more frequent.

 

How do you learn to say goodbye well?

I recommend first of all to give it a name - to say goodbye, to say that a distance is beginning to form between us.

Even parents who go out in the evening for fun, it is good if they face, with all the difficulty, the challenge of separation and tell their child that they are staying with another character (grandparents/babysitter) and will return to see them tomorrow and not disappear for them.

 

When one disappears without preparation for separation, the more planned or unplanned it may be, the level of anxiety may increase and we may encounter "abandonment anxiety."

 

In fact, anxiety is the primary action of our survival mechanism as human beings.

 

Crying is the first tool through which the baby expresses his distress and anxiety, later in life, the anxiety will be expressed by shouting, violence and more.

 

This initial anxiety is a universal feeling, every baby in the world experiences it. Without fulfilling his basic needs: heat (temperature), touch, food, and reference, the baby will weaken and there will be room for a constant feeling of anxiety that threatens his physical existence.

 

The essence of the relationship between baby and child is to reduce anxiety. The ability of a parent, time and time again throughout life to lower a child's anxiety level, is what will lead to a good and meaningful relationship with the child.

 

When the level of anxiety is high, "abandonment anxiety" may develop - great distress in all the girls, or the lack of connection to the point of impairing the sense of bodily integrity as in Lior Narkis' song "Without you, I am half-human" a feeling that has no validity in reality.

 

Beyond that, as far as the separation is known, especially in processes in which an emotional connection is made to another person, it is advisable to allow her a parting process, or in other words “her time”.

In my treatments, for example, I will schedule 3-4 farewell sessions. We will look at the process that was where we came from and what the current situation is, we will think together if there is something we did not deliver and we would like to suffice and then we will collect the feelings, summarize the process and also the breakup and determine what will happen after. For example, I ask the child if when I meet him I can say hello or he would prefer not to and so on.

 

Books that teach us about parting for really young children

 

They are for example:

 

An act in five balloons / Miriam Ruth - in which there is a comfort after all separations from an object, a balloon that symbolized love and connection and also completion: "Hello Hello red balloon"

Good night book / Alona Frenkel - which helps to accompany the thought of saying goodbye to the day in sleep and we will meet again in the morning

The Book of Peppers / Alona Frank - which accompanies the process of parting from being a young child to an older child

The pot of pots / Alona Frenkel - to say goodbye to diapers

A story from life / Alona Frank - talk about the wheel of life of which death is a part

Kisha / Hannah Goldberg talks about moving apartment, parting from friends and acquiring new friends

And in fact every story reading or game practice parting - they have an experience of attachment - starting, organizing, experiencing together a rainbow of emotions (pleasure, joy, security, strength, frustration) and parting in gathering and returning to the closet.

 

I write about parting on the days of the end of the school year, in the year when we said goodbye without preparation in any closure or isolation and came back in without preparation and yet if there is another chance to say goodbye and a summary to those who accompanied the process with your child - encourage the child to do so, do This is for yourself.

 

acidification

 

The feeling of "missing out" and a feeling of "remorse" have long been found in many articles as detrimental to the quality of life (some of you identify with the phrase "If only I could have another moment with him/her…"). - If you have the option - choose a parting process, give it a name, summarize it and cherish what was.